What Rick Astley can teach us about giving up

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Rick Astley is famous for two things. His 1987 hit, “Never Gonna Give You Up.” And give up.

At 27, Astley left her lucrative pop career to care for her daughter, swapping tour buses for school travel. He was brought back into the spotlight 20 years later by Rickrolling, a meme that tricked the user into clicking on a video of his famous song, which has amassed more than 1 billion views. It brought the ’80s singer back to stadiums and festivals, most notably at last year’s Glastonbury, introducing him to a new generation. It looked like he had pulled off a masterstroke.

I have always considered Astley’s path to fame and success to be heroic. He seemed at odds with many successful people in fields beyond music — business, finance or politics — who chase more money, another deal, a bigger role. How is it possible to make peace with a smaller life without harboring resentment or desperation to recapture the early glories of a successful career? Could Astley teach us something about professional fulfillment and ego management?

Going out

It turns out that by crediting him with sacrificing fame for family, I had fallen in love with a myth. In his new autobiography, NeverAstley sets the record straight. “It’s a lovely idea and because I’ve never talked much about what actually happened, people think that’s what happened. But that wasn’t the case, at least not at first. On the surface, I was enormously relieved to have recovered from the whole thing. I felt like I was liberated: Thank goodness, I can continue being a dad for a while. Deep down, though, I was unhappy about the whole situation.

Speaking this week, he told me he had to leave because he had reached a point where continuing would make him unhappy and ill. The records weren’t selling and the promotion seemed pointless and exhausting. Flying had become a phobia (“It felt like life or death”).

He knew his career had a shelf life. “I was on the frothy side of pop music. Most people don’t get 25s. It was the universe saying give it to his head now.” He asked to leave his record label and they agreed.

Money makes the difference

Naturally, a significant amount of cash helped the transition. How much is enough to retire at twenty? I’ve met many people whose goals change as their lifestyle becomes more expensive. “I can’t afford you the luxury of having enough money to redo the kitchen,” Astley tells me. The way he views his wealth is, “I’m not the richest man on the block, but I live in a very nice neighborhood.”

Money has always been about freedom, rather than extravagance. His autobiography describes him as wanting to escape his volatile father with whom he lived in a portable hut in a garden centre: “I wanted to be successful, to earn money. . . to answer my father: it would give me the ability to say “no” when he told me what to do”.

Recognize the role of luck

Astley recognizes that luck makes a difference. “I’ve been incredibly lucky,” he tells me. “You have to be prepared for that luck, you have to work for it. Without luck no one gets anywhere. I’m very aware of it.”

Appreciating the luck factor helps curb the potential for rampant selfishness. “Don’t run away thinking about how amazing you are. If I had gone through a different door,” the outcome could have been very different.

Don’t fall for compliments

Astley says fame and success have also taught him not to take compliments or criticism “so seriously.” “We live in a world where everyone can express their opinion for the rest of the world, which is an amazing thing. You teach it, [to take it] with a pinch of salt.”

Rickrolling could have failed – it was a joke after all. In the book, he writes that “it was the kind of thing that could get really bad: people could get tired of it, especially if you seemed to be milking it for all it was worth. It was better to let it run its course.”

Astley’s confused wait-and-see reaction is refreshing in a world of media management. “Some artists would be devastated if they became a meme,” he tells me.

Gain perspective

Today he is happy with his career arc. With his huge success in later life, releasing new material and doing nostalgia tours, how could he not? The experience gave him perspective, that fame and success create “nonsense that messes with your ego, your belief system.” However, he probably wouldn’t advise someone to “quit completely.” “I would say take a year off.”